On Adoption

November is National Adoption Month.  My husband and I wanted to have two kids, and we decided that one would be a biological child and one would be adopted.  We felt that there were kids out there that needed good homes and we wanted to provide a loving home for one of those kids.  I am Chinese so we decided to adopt from China.  I felt that this would help our adopted child feel more like she belonged and I also felt that I had some wisdom to share from growing up as a minority in the United States.

I think one thing that people wonder is if we feel differently about Ashlyn because she is adopted.  They seem to not understand how we can love Ashlyn as our own daughter.  I would compare it to loving a spouse or significant other.  Though you are not related, you love him/her as much as your family.  There is a special bond that I feel with my biological daughter Kaitlyn because I carried her inside me for nine months.  I won’t lie about that.  But there is a incredible privilege to being called “mom” and being loved by a child that I did not give birth to that is also very special.  The feelings I have may not be exactly the same, but I don’t love one more because of the way she came into my family.

We are Ashlyn’s parents and she is our child.  We have our quirks and she fits right in.  She is like the missing piece of a puzzle.  She truly belongs with us.  I often find her grandparents talking about her as if she was our biological child.  It is almost like they forgot that she was adopted.  It’s the way it should be.

Ashlyn was abandoned on the day that she was born (or very soon thereafter).  She was left near the entrance of a hospital.  No other circumstances of her birth or her birth parents are known.  It is obvious that her birth parents cared about her for they left her in a place where she would be found quickly and given good care.  I often wonder about her birth parents.  What circumstances led to them abandoning their child?  Her birth mother carried her to term, gave birth to her, and left her.  The thought is heartbreaking.

Do Ashlyn’s birth parents think about her?  Do they wonder what happened to her, where she is now, what she looks like?  How could they not?  I wonder about these things and I know that someday Ashlyn will wonder them too.

I can only hope that Ashlyn never feels that she wasn’t good enough.  I hope that she believes that her birth parents left her because they had no other choice and they believed that they were giving her a chance at a better life.

Most of all, I hope Ashlyn knows that she has a family and that she is and will always be loved.

If Ashlyn believes this then I will have done my job.

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